Ms. Basko

to be honest i would like you to revise my "Metal- The Beastly Genre" paper. this paper i thought was my best piece and the one i enjoyed writing the most. when revising this piece i would like you to look for the following:
- should i use more detail?
- should i add more examples?
- should i include personal references/ stories?
- should i rewrite my intro?

how-to paper

when starting this assignment i originally thought that this was going to be very easy, then i realized that it wasn't at all. after the first few examples it was difficult to come up with other ones, so we had to look online for more. when we where assigned to think of a topic for this paper we had a hard time coming up with a theme. but after a while we concluded that it would be easy to write about facebook and what not to do on it, we had a lot of pet peeves of our own. like i said we had trouble thinking of examples at first but when we looked them up online it seemed to be a lot easier. after getting the examples it was easy to give scenarios for each. the only revision i would make to the paper now is to add a conclusion and probably change the title. to improve the paper i would honestly just add more examples and be more detailed in the writing.

How to Make and Keep Friends on Facebook
Making friends on facebook is easy, but too many people do countless annoying and infuriating acts of stupidity, resulting in the possible loss of friends. By avoiding these acts you can become one of the few non-hated individuals of facebook. Here is a list of What not to do on Facebook:
1. Don’t comment and like all of your friends pictures
One compliment is enough but I think we get the point after the first 30 notifications.
2. No pointless status’
No one needs to know when you’re going to the bathroom or taking a trip to the grocery store.
3. Don’t send game requests…ever
Does anyone actually play Farmville?... and enjoy it?
4. Gifts are only satisfying in person
Don't send people gifts. Do you really think they care to receive virtual gifts? If you want to send me a gift, ask for my physical address and I'll be more than happy to receive a nice gift card, or even cash from you.
5. Your not the only one
“Michael Jackson is dead!” You heard it from me first! Me and the 213,000 other people who saw it on TMZ.
6. Don’t make lazy grammar and spelling mistrakes
It only takes 5 extra seconds to check what you typed and avoid looking like and idiot.
7. Don’t unfriend me after an argument
If you are too immature to unfriend someone for a stupid argument, then you shouldn’t be on facebook in the first place.
8. Facebook is enough
Just because we are friends on facebook, doesn’t mean you need to add me on Twitter, Myspace, Myyearbook, etc.
9. I barely know you
Just because I accepted your friend request doesn’t mean we are best friends or that I actually want to be friends… just letting you know!
10. No quizzes
No one wants to know what Harry Potter character you are.

food paper revision!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you think of chocolate you think of a brown bar of surgery goodness that’s a treat for any occasion. But did you ever really think about the different kinds there are? And are they really that different? Hershey, Godiva, dove, lindor truffles; different brands but are they different chocolate? Throughout the years there have been many different companies and brands of chocolate products to choose from, and for all these years very few have ever wondered if there was a difference between the chocolate that is made by these corporations. Well I have made the conclusion that… well… I have no freaking idea… but from the information I have gathered I will help you make your own damn conclusion. When you think of a chocolate bar what are some companies that come to mind? Hershey, Lindor, Godiva, Dove, ect right? Well have you ever put those companies’ products side by side and realized just how different they are? And im not just talking about the wrapping or the size, obviously that’s different, (if you didn’t realize this, your either color blind or oblivious to your surroundings… retard…) no im talking about the texture, the smell, the color, the sweetness and the essence if the chocolate bar. Have you ever really tasted a chocolate bar? Like really?! Have you ever had it rest on your tong and let it just melt into your mouth and seep into every taste bud on the surface of that muscle that helps you cherish your food? I doubt you have, not many people do. But when you acquire the ability to do this you can really understand the distinct differences in the different brands of chocolate. You can gather the sweetness and the texture of the bar and understand the voluptuousness of the chocolate. With Hershey’s chocolate there is a very smooth texture to the touch and a sensual smell that lifts from the wrapper as you first open it. And then as you rest it on your tong and it seeps into your taste buds you taste the sweet flavor of the coco and the warmth of the mixture. With dove it’s a similar texture and smell, but when placed on the tong it doesn’t melt as fast as the Hershey’s. But the sweetness is almost overpowering with the dove chocolate. The lindor chocolate has a similar texture and sweetness as the Hershey’s but the smell from the wrapper is very pungent and graceful smelling. Although the differences in these brands was very distinct, when comparing the Godiva I had trouble. It seemed to capture all of the other brands good attributes; this may be why it was the most expensive of the brands.

food paper

Reflect upon thee:

for my food paper i got some good feed back by one of my peers. it was good length and had good transition. some of the words i used didn't seem to fit with the piece and i need to revise the spelling and grammar. he also said that i needed a title that caught the readers eye a little better then the one i had. id rather not share the previous title, it was crap. i was weak on the history of the chocolate and needed to beef up that section. my introduction was voluptuous but didn't end well. my conclusion, although short, seemed to sum up the piece well and was over all good...i guess.... his opinion not mine..